In a previous post, Unsent letter. I wrote about a fantasy I had in my head when I thought about a specific person. Over a year later, it partly came true with that said person.
Friday night, I found myself getting out of a taxi to your house. I was nervous, I thought you were incredibly handsome. It hurt my insides a little but it was just another thought to bury deep inside of me. I have always been with men who I found to be a bit out of my league but it was something I couldn’t think on for too long or I would never put myself out there. As someone who worries often, when it comes to any sexual encounter, I have to throw all my worries outside the window. This time, I just didn’t make it the full way.
For the first hour or two of being being in your house, I kept telling myself that I was only there to hang out and perhaps, make up for the first time we met. (Not worth going into details with that as this is my sex blog after all).
Anytime you got close to me, I would push you away because I was still having an internal conflict with myself. I really convinced myself that I was going there and nothing was going to happen. Before I even showed up, I had someone over earlier that night and had unprotected sex with them and that was just another thing floating around in my head. I really don’t think when I’m in the moment. It wasn’t until you put your phone in my hand for me to call for an Uber ride home that I knew I didn’t want to leave it at that. You were standing over me with your cock in a close proximity to my mouth. You had a really nice cock, I’m feeling a little turned on thinking about it. My buzz was wearing off and the details are a little fuzzy to me at this point but the next thing I knew, your cock was in my mouth.
My sweater came off, my bra came off and we went upstairs to your bedroom. I never did take my leggings off and when I think about it now, I laugh to myself because even if I tried to convince myself I wasn’t worrying about something, it was still in the back of my mind that my body wasn’t the kind of body you were attracted to. But my mouth? Oh, that’ll do. I was still searching for my confidence and comfort for the most part but you made it easier by giving me demands. And fuck, when you put your hands around my throat, my uncertainty washed away just a little because at that moment, I was only certain of how much I wanted your cock back in my mouth. I really wanted to please you and I wanted you to do whatever felt right to you but that was another thought that didn’t escape my mind.
I associate pain with pleasure and I knew you knew that through previous conversations via text. It also takes trust for me to be open to having the other person inflict pain on me but even if it was unspoken, you went very easy on me but it was enough for me to dig my nails into your skin and you left a mark on my chest that I noticed the next morning. I tried to contain my excitement for the most part which killed me to be so nonchalant about oral but when you came on my tits, I just wanted to be covered all over in your cum.
Just when I thought I was about to pass out, I decided I needed to get myself off and started to touch myself, which ended with your cock being in my mouth again. I ripped my fake nails off and you let me stick my finger in your ass, something not many men would let me do, you would re-position me to your needs and when I knew I was about to cum, I even asked you if I could cum because you did tell me I had to ask for permission. I did and you came on my tits again. I couldn’t help but rub your cum all over me.
In the morning, I had the pleasure of having your cock in my mouth one more time right before the Uber came. I got into that Uber that morning as if I just left with a secret, which in a way I did because I knew it was something I was going to keep for myself. (Aside from writing about it here).
I can tell by my lack of detail, I wasn’t completely confident with this encounter. You had told me afterwards I gave great head and seemed enthusiastic but I remained hesitant as my anxiety was telling me otherwise. So if I see you again, that’s cool. If not, I get it. I’m not trying not to be too harsh on myself for enjoying some cock and acting as a cock slut for a night.